Alone, But Not Lonely, for the Holidays

It’s our first Christmas in Germany. 

The markets, decorations and traditional fanfare put us the holiday spirit – not to mention the glühwein. Yet there is something that feels, well, a little different.

We’ve lived hundreds of miles from our families for the past decade. We’re used to missing out on birthday parties, summer picnics and even first Communions and graduations. 

But, other than the years our daughters were born, we always piled in the car and took the 12-hour drive to Illinois for Christmas. This year, being more than an ocean away, we’re celebrating solo. Kind of…

Americans are Abundant in Germany

Thousands of Americans are stationed in the Wiesbaden area. Army and Air Force bases populate the country in all directions so we are by no means alone in Germany.

Our girls attend American schools on base. The USO and MWR provide a lot of opportunities to gather and celebrate traditional American holidays. So while we may not celebrate holidays with our relatives, we often celebrate together.

We’re off-post for housing, but the neighbor kids welcomed our girls to the area with playing in their pools and on their trampolines within days of moving in. Their parents offer us tips on which festivals are worth traveling to, and there is always some kind of festival happening, and which are not.

We joined PTAs, spouses clubs, churches, sports and Girl Scouts. We’re active and busy with a mix of American and German groups. We enjoy sitting in the stands with other parents recording soccer games or school concerts so Stateside family can see our children perform. Even when we wish they could be here live.

Surrogate Families are Mandatory for Survival

There are certainly things we miss about living in the States, but the travel and cultural opportunities make up for the lack of Target stores or Chick fil A restaurants.

Most Germans speak English, even if they say it’s only a little bit. They are friendly and helpful when we politely ask for assistance and butcher their language in attempts to blend in. In my defense, good night and good naked are only separated by a hard phlegm ‘ch’ sound.

We’ve been lucky in finding amazing friends as we all try to assimilate to our new homes. The trifecta in parenting – when you, your spouse and your kids all get along with another family – isn’t very common. Lightening hit us multiple times.

Much like our time in DC, these groups of coworkers, spouses and neighbors become our surrogate families for the duration of our assignment. These surrogates carry us through the homesickness, share the holidays and celebrate the milestones with us. Without them, we’d be very lonely.

Opening Our Doors

A few of our voyaging friends and family dusted off their passports over the summer and some continue to book trips in the coming years. We’re thrilled to have a home that accommodates multiple visitors and hope some will consider joining us for Christmas.

A few years ago my husband would never elect to host a holiday event. It was enough of a challenge convincing him to attend the numerous events we shared with family. Yet, this year, he was the driving force of hosting our holiday gathering.

Being a part of the military/federal community means opening your doors to friends and families who are transitioning and adjusting. You are never the ‘new’ kid on block for long and there is always room for one more at the table for any event.

So even though thousands of military and civilian families spend holidays away from their blood relatives, we band together and make a family from what was once a group of strangers.

5 Things To Do With My Kids This Summer – Before I Hide in the Laundry Room with Wine

We’re six days into summer break and I’ve already contemplated opening a bottle of wine at 9 a.m. more than once.

For the first time since the kids were born, they are not in daycare or summer camp. Oh, I had grand plans of workbooks, learning games and quiet play time while I would write and do some prospecting. Those plans got tossed within the first two hours of day one.

Keeping these active girls occupied and not in front of electronics is infinitely harder than I thought. Before I cracked open a local ale or popped the cork on a bottle of Riesling mid-morning, I decided to make a top five list of alternatives based on recommendations and internet searches for the area.

These are in no particular order, just lifelines when I’m at the end of my rope throughout the summer. NOTE – Some of these links may appear in German.

  1. Amusement Parks – Does it get better than an amusement park close to home? After one visit, we purchased year-round passes for Taunus Wonderland, a small amusement park geared to kids under age 13.
    It’s only 25 min from the house and there are plenty of rides, parks and activities that will keep our girls busy. Bonus, they sell giant glasses of beer, so I can enjoy a good pilsner while they feed animals at the petting zoo. The real challenge will be getting their ridiculously catchy theme song out of my head.
    Larger theme parks like Europa Park, Playmobile FunPark, Phantasialand, and Legoland Deutschland Resort are just a couple of hours away. At some point during our time here, we’ll travel to Disneyland Paris.
  2. Summer Reading Program – Now, it’s not as exciting as roller coasters, but our kids love to read. Plus, it’s a quiet activity so I’m all about this one.
    “Reading Takes You Everywhere” is a six week session sponsored by the Europe Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation program where kids can participate in reading and ‘exploring, discovering and experiencing people, places and things’.
    Daisy thrives in structured environments and she reads above her grade level so a summer program that keeps her on this successful path is amazing. Ev is learning to read, and our little social butterfly will take the weekly opportunity to meet new friends and create a mini party atmosphere in the hushed halls of the base library.
  3. Outdoor Parks – Germans don’t mess around when they design parks. They feature metal slides, zip lines, merry-go-rounds, rope courses and that’s just in the neighborhood parks. We may never get Daisy to leave Kletterwald, a local climbing park for kids as young as age four. With five courses for kids and a dozen other courses for beginners to experts, it may become a staple year-round activity – once I stop freaking out about plunging to our deaths from the trees.
  4. Science – I’m not sure if our girls love learning or just making things explode. They both love science, chemistry especially. They requested and received numerous science kits at Christmas. With our move, they didn’t get to open them until recently.
    I have baggies of glitter slime, glow in the dark putty, spa oil perfumes, hydroponics and a jar garden going so far. I’ve had to buy extra vinegar, baking soda, gelatin, corn starch and even an aloe plant so the mad scientists can work.
  5. Museums – We’ve participated in local festivals, explored farmer’s markets and dined in neighborhood cafes, but we’ve only scratched the surface of opportunities to dive into local culture.
    Countless museums focus on the history of the area. Additional museums feature hands-on children’s exhibits like the Kinder Museum in Frankfurt or tasty exhibits like the Chocolate Museum in Cologne. Plus, there is always the David Hassellhoff Museum in Berlin which Matt is very insistent we check out – with a cheeseburger in hand.

Time to put a cork in my wine bottle because apparently, there is plenty to do when the kids get stir crazy. Good thing we’ll be here a few years because we surely won’t get to all of these during our first summer.

Cousin Bonding Without Borders

Sometimes I feel like we’re robbing our kids of an important piece of their childhoods.

Sure, all parents at some point question certain decisions they make. Is this what will send them to therapy in a few years? Will this somehow make them have doubts about themselves or hate me or haunt their childhood memories? You know, like moving to Europe and taking them an ocean away from their family and friends.

It’s not like we lived close before heading to Germany. Our families reside in suburban Chicago and we had been in DC area for a decade. But, it was a lot easier (and less expensive) to hop on a two-hour flight or road trip 700 miles than to grab a passport and cross multiple time zones.

Don’t get me wrong, our kids will experience some amazing things living in Europe for the next three to five years. We’ll see historic sites, taste amazing foods, learn a new language and meet fantastic new friends. However, they won’t have the same childhood experiences my husband and I had surrounded by family.

Family is always there – sometimes lurking

Both my parents and grandparents had grown up in our hometown. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone knowing some member of my family or BEING a member of my family. I got into a fender bender once and when we exchanged information, the other driver took one look at my license and told me to say hi to my uncle.

When I went away to college, my amazing friends visited often so I never got homesick. Plus, a few hometown friends and my sister were there. I like to think that her initial feeling of dread and annoyance faded in the three years we shared there.

I hoped my career as the next Barbara Walters would take me to exotic places. I had moved to Chicago, Arizona, back to Illinois, then off to St. Louis, but by age 24, I was back in my hometown where I was virtually related to every third person.

It wasn’t my ideal, but it was somehow comforting.  Sharing laughs and memories with family and friends reminded me how important it is to feel you belong to something bigger – even if some of those memories are reasons none of us will ever be President, well, maybe there’s a chance.

Aren’t you Vic and Wanda’s daughter?

To our girls, Maryland is home. They were blessed with some amazing friends we had there, but they didn’t get to experience small town living. They could go to the store and not run into relatives. They could be out and about and strangers couldn’t take one look at them and confirm who their parents were.

They had instructors and bus drivers who didn’t also teach previous generations of their family. But, they missed out on feeling the embarrassing pride of family cheering for them at preschool graduation, dance recitals, school concerts or taking up two rows at church on Sundays.

Even though they have never lived in the same state, much less same town, the girls are fiercely attached to their family. They love talking to them and about them, especially the cousins. They keep their pictures in their rooms and I sometimes catch our youngest talking to them.

I can relate. My cousins were my first friends, confidants and memory makers. We had inside jokes and late-night whispers at sleepovers. We bonded over toys when we were young and complained about our parents as we got older. I read in a Boston Globe article that cousins are a unique and essential part of childhood – “Not a sibling, not a friend, but a powerful mixture of both — and they’re yours for life.” I agree.

Even now, after we have outgrown our childhood nicknames and months since we last spoke in person, there is a connection among us. For some, it will forever be the time my mom gave me a well-deserved smack across the face for lying about where I was on New Year’s Eve at age 16 – I still gingerly touch my cheek when I think about it! For others, it’s playing on the tire swing in our grandparent’s backyard or living in our bathing suits all summer running across hot asphalt to perform a synchronized swim show for our parents. I could have yelled “Chucky, NO!” at Christmas last year and we’d instantly be eight years old running up our basement stairs.

We may not share the same opinions or secrets anymore, but we know we used to. And we know too much about each other’s childhood secrets to ever forget that closeness or how we’d look forward to the next family gathering.

Family tree branches out

When in Maryland, the girls would pack weeks in advance of our 12-hour drive. They would have plans, movies and special toys for cousin sleepovers. Their excitement was contagious. My heart would melt seeing them together, their giggles like music throughout the house.

There is something about that sibling-like bond that is magical. I feel a little guilty for moving to a place that makes that experience almost impossible for my girls. The year our oldest daughter was born, the grandparents were all given a webcam. We wanted to ensure they could bond, even if we were hundreds of miles a way. It’s not the same as being there, but it’s close.

Ensuring our kids know their family and forge those life-long connections is our responsibility. We may not be able to attend family dinners or holiday BBQs, but we can get on Facebook Messenger, FaceTime, text, email and even…call.  Because no matter where you go, there is no place like home and no replacements for cousins.

  

 

We Made It

Across time zones, across the ocean and across the street from amazing bakeries and restaurants. We made it.

I had fears how it would work. Our kids were ready to move in with the neighbors to avoid leaving them. I had my ugly cry as we were sent off with a blessing from our church who has been our family for nearly ten years. We said heartfelt goodbyes to family and friends and to the house where our family began.

I had excitement and anticipation. I had doubts and concerns. We faced nearly two weeks in a hotel room before an eight hour flight to another hotel room a world away from everyone we knew and loved. I had pictured the worst case scenarios for every situation.

To my delightful surprise, it went like clockwork. Airport, flight and arrival – smooth. Adjustment to new time – smooth. Starting school and work, making friends and finding a house – smooth. I’ve been afraid to jinx it, but we’ve all adjusted to living in Wiesbaden, Germany pretty damn good.

We’ve only begun exploring our new home and the vast amount of history, culture, fun and adventure that await us. From local festivals and carnivals to farmer’s markets and amusement parks, we’ve loved everything we’ve seen so far.

We’re learning German (very slowly), getting our house in order and collecting tour books for when family and friends visit this summer. We’re tracking the best wineries and beer tours, so let me know if you have any favorites!

I’ve wondered if this was the right choice for our family since we started discussing the option a year ago. I’m sure there will be times I have insecurities, today, I don’t. The girls made friends from the base hotel and school. Our neighbors include children, and bunnies, and a park with a zip line. We have a large backyard and playroom. We have a room waiting for family to arrive.

We have years to explore and enjoy this chapter. I bet will be better than I ever thought.

On the Move

My house is a disaster. Not because we’re extra messy, which with two kids and a dog we often are, but we’re in the middle of coordinating a move to Germany.

Weeks ago, our real estate agent said we had to declutter and depersonalize our home of nine years. It was an overwhelming thought as I looked around to see holiday decorations everywhere, pictures of our girls, their toys, drawings and loads of craft supplies – oh the glitter! But a part of me was psyched to grab boxes and really clean house. Other tips for buying and selling can also come in handy during this process.

Very few things make me happier than purging junk. Those five minutes of a clean counter top or tidy room are euphoric, even I know my Monkeys will destroy the beautiful cleanliness. Between glasses of my boxed wine, I’m packing, rearranging and tossing so much of our crap. It’s liberating and overwhelming.

Nearly a decade in this house and we’ve recently found things we forgot we had. Weeks after we got married, hubby and I hopped in separate cars and began the 11 hour drive from suburban Chicago to Bowie, Maryland. I had never even heard of Bowie when we moved and I didn’t pronounce it right (like Bowie knife not David Bowie).

We found boxes that we never unpacked from our initial move. Now, I’m trying to decide to keep the boxes or purge them. I mean, they’re already packed so why not? Then again, if we haven’t even see the items inside for as long as we’ve been here, do we really need it? Jury still out on a few of those.

Selling your house means you briefly get to live in the house the way you always wanted it to be but never quite had the time, money or motivation to make it happen. I’m kind of jealous that new owners – we’ll call them the Jones’ – will enjoy a hot bath in a plain white tub versus the 1960s yellow we’ve endured.

It may have taken three years, but Mr. and Mrs. Jones won’t trip on the cracked threshold in the master bath. They can sit in comfort with the newly repaired fireplace and remodeled kitchen. They can finish off the storage space in the garage like we always wanted to as a second living room or play room.

Thankfully, the Jones’ don’t get all the fun. Since our move is to Europe, most of our small appliances stay here. We’ll have to re-purchase everything from coffee pots to lamps to vacuums. And if we’re doing all that, may as well get new towels and bedding. Maybe even new furniture. Cheers!

We’ll need extra necessities and some fun goodies for family and friends who fly over the ocean to visit us and tour various countries. With Weisbaden just 20 miles from Frankfurt, Germany, we’ll be in a prime location to take short flights, train or car rides, we better stock up! Shopping at little markets and from businesses with centuries old craftsmanship.

Moving can be stressful, but when you know it’s an adventure your family will never forget, you guzzle the glass of wine, refill and keep packing.